That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
