the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
