I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
