He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sext me about skeletons
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
