Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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