We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
