He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
whose parrot is this?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
