we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
