I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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