her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
