She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
