I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
