She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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