I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
