Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am in a vortex of obligation.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We got so high we made milksteak
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
