i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the condom got lost in my hair
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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