ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
