You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
