I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
