In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
