i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
