honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
