: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
