I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
