she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
