And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
