remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
