Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
