In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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