I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
