hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
