my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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