Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
