Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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