Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
