I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
