I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
