yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
