Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
