Where did you get a picture of my penis
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
