Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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