I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
