Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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