would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
