It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i came on her dog
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
