I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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