I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
