remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I party with great urgency now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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