Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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