dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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