Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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