your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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