Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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